I thought I was a good man
I was once a good
man, man those are the days I never wish to forget
I was a good man;
with a dream to love and be honest, my intension was just to be the perfect man
Soft at heart,
loving, those were the days my heart was in charge of my thoughts
My heart filled with
joy ever lasting, for my mission was good as all was well
As I reflect in the mirror
I could see hope at sight smiling with my future held at hand
At that time I knew,
with every part of my body believing, telling I was a good man
Tying to be good with
no friends, lonely stuck in a world with no body but still I thought I was a
good man
Pushed, bullied I
never said a word but I never feared to cry out load
I remember, coming
home crying my granny would kick me out saying “go fight for your pride and
stand your ground”
I thought I was a
good man, with my mind in the past, present and future how did I divide myself
Filled with hate and
memories that haunt me, I was digging a grave to bury a good man
Like a man in a whirling
wind I was twisted, never knew how to stop till I lost my self
Sometimes I wondered
what life gives to a man so well for I still thought I was a good man
The past was present,
my future fading; no hope at sight, I was living a lie
Turned and twisted,
no hope for life, I demolished myself for a life not mine
For long I’ve lived
with dreams from others, and pleased the crowed
Love turned sour,
life turned bitter, my dreams had faded
I asked my self, why
was I born? No answer could come, all I knew, I had no life
Now I live in a world
unknown, judged by many but now I know, I was never a good man
Never lived my life
but to correct mistakes that he left unsolved, to prove a point
Still I cry, I wish
for child hood, how could I ever be a child again
I see them happy,
with joy at heart; I ask my self do they know the future
I had a dream I never
lived to fulfill, I know, I know it was never meant to be
With a load so heavy,
sleepless nights, I am stuck in this world with no dream to save me
I ask my self, was I
an intension or I was I a mission? That I will never know
They say I’m bipolar,
that’s a lie in my face, I just live a life never know to man
He left with no
justice, questions unanswered; some times I wish to dig his grave
I have cried many
nights, I have cried many days, with no joy at heart
Mentally unstable,
lost in this world, I see no way to reach my future
One day I’ll cry,
tears of joy, this life will pass, I will tell a story
My heart I pour as a
man with no hope, but I can tell in me the is still a good man
At sight it’s clear,
the path is there I will live to fulfill that dream
For I say it again,
some where in me still remains a good man.
Sometimes we turn to live in a world of our own, with fear
of reality. Correcting those mistakes that a father left unsolved, wanting to
prove a point you say to your self “I can never be like him”, every time you
make a mistake you just think it’s the end of the world. You ask your self
questions which can never be answered, at some point you find your self dead
with no identity living a life that somebody else never cared about. Every time
you try to prove a point, every time you try to prove a point, I mean every
time. Later on you ask your self how long will prove this point. You try to
live thinking you can be perfect but not in this life time you can’t. For how
long will I try to climb this ladder, will you ever reach infinity? My life I
can never wish for any body else, times when you go deep in thought and think
of the days of your life and childhood you missed, now you wish you could be a
child but there is not turning back, then you think to yourself, if they had
done better I wouldn’t have to be here. I know, I know it’s hard to let go, let
alone forget. Some nights you cry and ask your self why me, you loose hope on
everything and everything in your life falls apart, you stop caring, you push
those who love you away, no body knows what goes on in your heart, there are
memories you never wish to remember, when you think there are things I can not
remember but only because you fear remembering them, it’s not easy opening a
can of worms when you are not sure you can deal with them. You let go of those
you care too much about coz you fear this disease you have might just infect or
affect them. Today for me is one of those days; I find my self wishing I was
never born only because I am a mess. I just with someone could save me from it;
I started comparing myself with Job in the bible. No man knows my tears; how
they taste and how they over flow. It’s been long, I can say I have lived life,
how old am I, 25 and I think I have lived life, yhaaa there’s no other way to
put it, I have lived life. I wish I could turn the hands of time and do
everything by myself, let me give you some advice, if you have a chance to live
your life, never mind what it was like in your child now it’s just your turn to
live life, coz I can tell you once you have lost your self it’s hard to regain
your identity, you will live life asking yourself many questions that can never
be answered, you will find yourself living many lives at the same time and not
knowing who you are. Some people try to talk to me, the try to put me on track
but I just feel they don’t know how hard it is even though it’s easy to say.
When they talk to you it just feels use less coz you know you have tried it,
they are just telling you what you know, you feel like telling them to tell you
something new. That’s just part of life at time, but you can always make it
better for yourself.
“Just to think of it, I wrote this early this year but today
I am smilling, life changes to what you want it to be only if you put effort in
it and know which direction you are going, no body said it was gona be easy, I
stopped blaming myself and others around me a long time ago, I just live to
fullful my own purpose and let go of the past, live with what I have to live
with accept what I have to accept, solve what I can. Thank God I am me and
thank God I was born this way, I appreciate all that I have been through coz it
has made me who I am and I am proud of it, thanks to a few wonderful, loving
beautfil woman that have contributed to my life’s success, that is my grate
grand mother, my grand mother and my mother. Yhaaa those woman made me who I am
and taught me how to deal with life and still strengthen me, having a woman in
your life if a great thing coz those are sure very strong people and I admire
and respect them for their effort, strength and most of all the care and love
they give”
