You know where to go with a doubt

You know where to go with a doubt

I thought I was a good man, maybe I was

I thought I was a good man

I was once a good man, man those are the days I never wish to forget

I was a good man; with a dream to love and be honest, my intension was just to be the perfect man

Soft at heart, loving, those were the days my heart was in charge of my thoughts

My heart filled with joy ever lasting, for my mission was good as all was well

As I reflect in the mirror I could see hope at sight smiling with my future held at hand

At that time I knew, with every part of my body believing, telling I was a good man

Tying to be good with no friends, lonely stuck in a world with no body but still I thought I was a good man

Pushed, bullied I never said a word but I never feared to cry out load

I remember, coming home crying my granny would kick me out saying “go fight for your pride and stand your ground”

I thought I was a good man, with my mind in the past, present and future how did I divide myself

Filled with hate and memories that haunt me, I was digging a grave to bury a good man

Like a man in a whirling wind I was twisted, never knew how to stop till I lost my self

Sometimes I wondered what life gives to a man so well for I still thought I was a good man

The past was present, my future fading; no hope at sight, I was living a lie

Turned and twisted, no hope for life, I demolished myself for a life not mine

For long I’ve lived with dreams from others, and pleased the crowed

Love turned sour, life turned bitter, my dreams had faded

I asked my self, why was I born? No answer could come, all I knew, I had no life

Now I live in a world unknown, judged by many but now I know, I was never a good man

Never lived my life but to correct mistakes that he left unsolved, to prove a point

Still I cry, I wish for child hood, how could I ever be a child again

I see them happy, with joy at heart; I ask my self do they know the future

I had a dream I never lived to fulfill, I know, I know it was never meant to be

With a load so heavy, sleepless nights, I am stuck in this world with no dream to save me

I ask my self, was I an intension or I was I a mission? That I will never know

They say I’m bipolar, that’s a lie in my face, I just live a life never know to man

He left with no justice, questions unanswered; some times I wish to dig his grave

I have cried many nights, I have cried many days, with no joy at heart

Mentally unstable, lost in this world, I see no way to reach my future

One day I’ll cry, tears of joy, this life will pass, I will tell a story

My heart I pour as a man with no hope, but I can tell in me the is still a good man

At sight it’s clear, the path is there I will live to fulfill that dream

For I say it again, some where in me still remains a good man.

Sometimes we turn to live in a world of our own, with fear of reality. Correcting those mistakes that a father left unsolved, wanting to prove a point you say to your self “I can never be like him”, every time you make a mistake you just think it’s the end of the world. You ask your self questions which can never be answered, at some point you find your self dead with no identity living a life that somebody else never cared about. Every time you try to prove a point, every time you try to prove a point, I mean every time. Later on you ask your self how long will prove this point. You try to live thinking you can be perfect but not in this life time you can’t. For how long will I try to climb this ladder, will you ever reach infinity? My life I can never wish for any body else, times when you go deep in thought and think of the days of your life and childhood you missed, now you wish you could be a child but there is not turning back, then you think to yourself, if they had done better I wouldn’t have to be here. I know, I know it’s hard to let go, let alone forget. Some nights you cry and ask your self why me, you loose hope on everything and everything in your life falls apart, you stop caring, you push those who love you away, no body knows what goes on in your heart, there are memories you never wish to remember, when you think there are things I can not remember but only because you fear remembering them, it’s not easy opening a can of worms when you are not sure you can deal with them. You let go of those you care too much about coz you fear this disease you have might just infect or affect them. Today for me is one of those days; I find my self wishing I was never born only because I am a mess. I just with someone could save me from it; I started comparing myself with Job in the bible. No man knows my tears; how they taste and how they over flow. It’s been long, I can say I have lived life, how old am I, 25 and I think I have lived life, yhaaa there’s no other way to put it, I have lived life. I wish I could turn the hands of time and do everything by myself, let me give you some advice, if you have a chance to live your life, never mind what it was like in your child now it’s just your turn to live life, coz I can tell you once you have lost your self it’s hard to regain your identity, you will live life asking yourself many questions that can never be answered, you will find yourself living many lives at the same time and not knowing who you are. Some people try to talk to me, the try to put me on track but I just feel they don’t know how hard it is even though it’s easy to say. When they talk to you it just feels use less coz you know you have tried it, they are just telling you what you know, you feel like telling them to tell you something new. That’s just part of life at time, but you can always make it better for yourself.

“Just to think of it, I wrote this early this year but today I am smilling, life changes to what you want it to be only if you put effort in it and know which direction you are going, no body said it was gona be easy, I stopped blaming myself and others around me a long time ago, I just live to fullful my own purpose and let go of the past, live with what I have to live with accept what I have to accept, solve what I can. Thank God I am me and thank God I was born this way, I appreciate all that I have been through coz it has made me who I am and I am proud of it, thanks to a few wonderful, loving beautfil woman that have contributed to my life’s success, that is my grate grand mother, my grand mother and my mother. Yhaaa those woman made me who I am and taught me how to deal with life and still strengthen me, having a woman in your life if a great thing coz those are sure very strong people and I admire and respect them for their effort, strength and most of all the care and love they give”

A life Journey

 At times in life we get lost not knowing who we are, sometimes its just that we think we are lost and don't know what to do, we live life to please others, forgetting our own lives, we all get lost in life, but the best thing is finding your own self. I don't know why I wrote this poem but hope you enjoy it!

Who am I to you, a person you never knew?

What am I to you, something you never thought I'd end up being?

Lost in my own world you think

Stolen from who I was to you

Changed from being he who you loved

I wonder what you think but it matters not

I think of what you say, but it can not help

You have tried to find me but never did

No, Not at all

I never left nor changed

I never died nor vanished

I remain he who you know

He who tries to be better everyday

He who would die, live, suffer and even eat with you

Life you never know, but I remain unchanged

Still field with love and care

My life full of dreams and wishes

Light that shines for ever at all angles

A dream that never leaves nor die

I remain, the one you meet, knew and loved

The smile that never left your face

The joy that still fills your heart

But I have to say, I remain a human who tries to live and succeed

With a life filled with mistakes but still I learn to be right

I am nearly there, I am very close

To be what I am to be, a master piece in front of your eyes

All I try to be is perfect, I try and I try

Just as he that was given birth in a pure state

I am nearly there, for I never gave up

Soon I will be back from this life I just journey in to

Soon, and soon enough I will be me again

Soon, very soon you will see, you will see, you will see

Be patient soon enough, I will be what God is preparing me to be

Soon, soon, very soon I will be back from this life journey

Who is life?

Who is life, where is life?
What is life, how is life?
Is it a He or just an it?
Is it life or only tough
He seems rough but still remains life
I though I had caught life but I was caught in life
To me it was life coz it had so much love
It was life as long as I could still laugh
I thought life to be sweet but sometime turned out rough
Now I know I am in life as long as I feel safe and unsafe
It is just life coz it gave me life
It never gave a limited but at times I just feel it's enough
Though it was tough but still it had good breath
It never cared it just gives us each a choice
You take what you have to but don't come crying when we laugh
Still it will not change, but still remain life
You may be good or bad but life remains
You may change to any form but it still remains formless
All I am trying to say "keep safe and take it soft"
Life will remain even when your life has gone
Life will be life and long as there is still life in life
I live life but I live my own life
But still, life remains life!

A day for woman (dedicated to all the woman out there)

Quiet, come and collected
Filled with love, respect and all you can think of
Precious at heart, It's just as you see it
Brightening a day is the best she can do
Giving life to this world is a gift she never lost

Born with strength you can never see from the outer
Raise with abilities that can never fail your future
Feed with love, understanding and wisdom
Groomed with a future that never fails to see beyond the future
Who are you, where did you come from

An image of God a part of Godliness
One that fulfills the world with her life
She stands alone unique in her image
Excelling in ways no man can ever think
Fulfilling a vision no man can ever do

For she is her who stands today
everything so beautiful only she cam make it
Everything organized only she can do so
Always thinking ahead who can do it better than her
She is stronger than she looks and softer than she is

I am talking of a precious rose that can never die
A light that can never die nor dim my future
Beauty that for ever remains in this world
A vessel love, care and hope
There one and can never be "A woman"

A life Journey

Greetings everyone, it's been sometime since I last wrote here! Things have been happening, not just things, lots of great and bad things. Anyway I am not here to remind you of that, today I just thought I should write here about "A life Journey" which is basically just a journey through life, we all journey through this life, we encounter the good and the bad, each day has got it's own challenges, losses, victories, disappointments, it's just full of everything; that is life for you.

In my life I have been through a lot just like you and him and the other one, but the challenges we meet always differ, my life journey is not at all like yours, sometime they maybe be similar but I know it for a fact they can never be the same coz we all take things differently and we all can stand different challenges, some we loose some we win. As human we always ask ourselves certain questions, why me, do I deserve this, when will I ever get through, etc. All these questions are just part of life, your life, my life and his/her life!

Sometimes we get through a time when we have so much good time that we forget there can be bad times as well, sometimes we just ignore the bad time and live in our dreams. But the fact is that life can be a dream but there is also reality and that we can not run away from. When reality strikes we turn to go down like a mountain, when we dream we turn to wish it was true, that is also just part of life. I have lived in a dream for a while and I have also lived in reality for a while, these two go hand in hand, they are just helpers of each other, one can't survive without the other.

Have you ever asked yourself which world you live in, a dream world or a real world? Which one do you hold on to, more than the other, your dreams or the reality? To me that doesn't matter, all that matters is the balance between the two. We can dream but also have to know that we have to bring the dream world in reality, that is what we do every day but we fail to understand that not every dream can be brought in to the real world, not every dream brought in to the real world will be successful, however if not successful it's always easy do take it back into the dream world and re dream you dream, fix the mistakes and put it back into reality.

We all have to come to a point where we understand that life is a journey and you never know what, who, how, and when you will meet something or someone on the way, you can never tell what kind of  thing, person you will meet, what characters they will have or what challenges they will give you. But all we can stand on is one, "what ever I meet, I am ready to take it up and if it may happen that I am hurt on the way there is always time to heal" that is life, that is the life we live. So why cut off your journey when you can re-dream, why give up when you can re-dream. I see no reason, they only thing I will say if you give up is that you have defeated yourself.

Albert Einstein once said, "Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid." How true can that be, each person has their own journey to travel, if you want to travel mine just forget, if you want my strength just forget. We all differ, maybe I am not such a good writer, but I know I can always talk sense into your head, maybe I am not a good thinker but I know I can put a little motivation into you. Just think, if we all had the same mentality, gifts and skills, what would make you unique, what would give you that special feeling, the truth is "nothing". So just live with what you have and know that it's part of your life journey, don't ask why it's happening to you. Anyway who should it happen to, you can see it's on your path, it was made for you coz you can handle it.

You know some people wonder why I stress so much even with a smallest mistake I make in this life, let me tell you, it's only because I am built that way, that is my mentality; everyday I try to perfect my life, it doesn't matter how many times you tell me that I shouldn't be stressing it's nothing. It will happen automatically, that is just a part of my life. Most of the time I help people, give them solutions but when it comes to my life, I hardly ever have a solution for myself, it's coz that solution was not made for me but for me to give it to you. So life is a journey, you never know what to expect but I want you to know, it was made for you, and you will know once you have reached the destination.

So now lets just pack our bags with all the things we think would help on the way. Here is a little story about me. At some point I had to see a psychologist and it was hard for her to help me coz she said I did everything she had to do myself but I thought to myself, let me change her and see another one, and the other one was pleased that I had analyzed my self, and she proceeded with other stuff and found her own way with me, she did say I was hard to deal with coz I know too much about everything but still she assisted and I got help. If you use one tool and it doesn't work try the other, it just might work.

Wish you all the best on your journey, maybe it will be easy maybe not, but yours can never be the same as mine. For the last tip, never judge another person with your own abilities and strengths, remember your were created for a journey that is different from his/hers, what seems easy to you may be hard on them and what seems hard on you may be easy on them.

Let's go for it, it's a path made for you!

Taking back what you invested............. words

Sometimes we write you know, but we never really look at what we have written, we never look at how deep our lives can go, our minds can go, our emotions can go. In the past i have felt like the world is crashing on e many times, but i can tell you as much as people try to help me out. what has helped me out the most is what i had written, going through my poetry and some of the sermons and articles i had written back in some time. 

Today I thought I should share with you what i would say is everyday witting for the future. Bellow is a poem i wrote for a friend or a sister in Christ and this poem has just made my day today. When I wrote it I never though i would ready it like this again. Just ready again those letters you use to write and never post, those articles that you wrote and never ready again, that poem you wrote for a friend might help you even more.......................... take the chance

Happy birthday Saint

 

For a day so bright a day so precious
Life shines as your are born into this world
Salvation is born when you come through to breath
Victory is proclaimed with the first words you speak
For it is the day the Lord choose for your birth
...The day he thought of many more to be saved
The day he vested his strength to a trusted child
For this is the day of birth the day of life
Who never knew what you could be
Who ever knew where you could be
For you were in the heart of God
The Chosen Through Christ
For this day is special this day is to be remembered
This is the day that today we all wish you best
It is the day of birth
Happy birthday

This i was righting for a friend of mine she had her birthday a week ago just thought it would be nice to share this poem.